can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
