the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
