My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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