I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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