it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
