she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
