Having a random hookup so left but love u
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
