It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
