I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
