btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
