I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
