Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
