In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
