That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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