Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
