so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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