I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
