Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
