Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
