you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
