I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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