Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
