I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
