doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
