This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
