You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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