Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
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In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
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Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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