yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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