i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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