I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
