We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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