Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
