So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
