Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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