am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
