oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
