She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize