dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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