Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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