Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
