I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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