...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
