You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
