i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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