the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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