the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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