I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
