I like my sex mixed with concussions.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
