She announced her abortion via fbk
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
