Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
