she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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