eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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