3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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