Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
