Yo dont text me then not text me
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
