Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
sex in a hospital.. check
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
