Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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