i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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