youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
