You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
