dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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