I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
