If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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