Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
