Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
