at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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