I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
