I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
