fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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