this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
