franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
