apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
