It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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