you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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