These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
