Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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