My hair reeks of homosexuality.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
