the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
